Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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