Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you had me at cake vodka
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
