umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
