I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
