there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
