How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
