Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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