I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
