Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
