Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
