Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
