I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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