Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
