Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
