oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
