even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
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That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize