I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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