you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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