did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
