I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
