babies were throwing up all over the place
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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