Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
