Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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