There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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