went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This is my gift to your gina
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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