Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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