I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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