I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
