Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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