You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
