I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
high people should be assigned attendants
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
