All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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