I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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