we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
