Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
