and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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