this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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