In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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