you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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