It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
