I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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