I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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