I have demons in me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
