Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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