will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
