I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
