i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
