i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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