Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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