I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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