im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
