It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
