Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
