How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize