I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
