I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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