I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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