I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
