I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
