I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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