your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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