Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
