Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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