You smell like stripper and shame
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
