Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she woke up with a sticky ear
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
